Struggling with weight gain appears to be a common issue when we reach our twenties – I’ve seen a few others mention it on Twitter recently and it just proves we’re not alone in it! And that’s why I’m writing this post, I guess, just in case anybody sees it and can relate.So I’ve been super thin for the majority of my life, I didn’t really surpass 6-7 stone. At the time I didn’t realise quite how thin I was, but I recently found the photo below and realised I literally looked like a twig (it’s acceptable to call myself that okay). All I could think when I saw this photo was twig twig twig, where are my branches. I should have been attached to a tree. I don’t know how long ago it was, but my dog in the photo’s six. So I was probably early twenties.
Now, I didn’t have a problem with food, I was just a fussy eater who ate small amounts and that was natural for me. My Dad is very thin too so I just presumed I was naturally that way (wishful thinking at its best). I always hated that I couldn’t wear nice dresses or clothes that clung to my figure because you could just see my hips sticking out. Okay, now I’ve seen that photo again, I still can’t stop thinking ‘twig’.
Then I went to uni and put on a little weight (well I thought I had, but if that photo was during uni then who knows). I guess towards the end I’d reached the most perfect weight that I’ve ever been at. I was slowly beginning to eat different things and I was cooking for myself so I could do whatever potion sizes I wanted. I don’t know how I looked to other people at that stage. It was the most attention I’ve got from males in my life so, I don’t know. As far as I remember my BMI was at the very lower end of average.
I got pretty stressed towards the end of uni which didn’t help me or my stomach out. I had a couple of part time jobs. In one of them a manager refused to give me size 10 work trousers, saying I was no way a size 10, but a size 8. Okay…sure, but I have legs, you know. Decent length ones. They’re not far off the length of my boyfriend’s and he’s over 6ft, I just have a pretty short body. Okay, that’s all irrelevant but clothe sizes don’t just take into account your waist! I’d always be asked why I didn’t eat lunch and the quite simple answer was that I didn’t need to when I only worked a 4 hour day. I’ve never really cared for lunch, I don’t enjoy it like I enjoy dinner. I have to now else I’d be STARVING during my nine hour day at work, plus nearly 2 hours extra in travel time.
I think the first time I realized I’d put on weight was when people stopped commenting on it. I always got ‘there’s nothing of you’ or ‘I want your legs they’re so small’ or ‘it’s creepy how thin your wrists are’. At uni people noticed I had a thigh gap and because they didn’t themselves, said ‘oh well, I don’t want to look like a flamingo anyway.” Not a great insult, I quite like flamingos. One of the same people also said I should ‘grow a bigger bum’ so my shorts would be tighter. What?I’ve done that now and I don’t like it, so that was some damn awful advice!
The photo below I’m adding in here because it’s the last photo I have containing my whole body (ugh my face look so weird though!!!!!) where I don’t look at it and go ‘oh my gosh I’ve put on so much weight’. So that’s me with Andy who has been my favourite actor for many years, he was in my city so I went and said hi. This was March 2017, just two weeks into my first ever full time job. I don’t know how it went down hill so quickly. I didn’t have a full length mirror in that flat and I didn’t ever weigh myself so I simply didn’t notice until I moved and suddenly did have a full length mirror.
SO IT SUCKS BUT
my body feels more stable now. I don’t feel like I’m going to snap in half anyway – haha, only kidding. But I do feel like I have more energy and that obviously helps a lot with my anxiety levels. Though that might be the one and only good thing I’ve found about it.I’ve been struggling to get my head around it in general. It’s been a sudden change and one I didn’t want. I have plans to lose some of it again, I just find that very, very difficult in my current situation. I get home from work near-on 7pm and by that time I just want to eat, shower and go to bed, I’m exhausted. I do find it frustrating when people of authority start going on about how the population of the UK need to spend more time exercising, when healthy food is so expensive, they’re cutting pay and work days are getting longer. I get up for work at 6.30am and don’t get home until 6.30pm (when my bus actually turns up). There are more suffocating reasons to putting on weight than just not being able to be bothered.
Below is how I looked in September, shortly after I started panicking about my weight gain. I think panicking about it makes it worse, so that was probably not a good move. Also hi, I’m the most unphotogenic person in existence. Now, I look back at that photo and go ‘meh, I wasn’t even that bad. I am now though.”
I do eat more these days, but I do also blame part of it on working life – which I can obviously not escape from. I have to eat that third meal a day that I wouldn’t usually eat if I was at home with the day off. I do get SO much more hungry when I’m working. At weekends I don’t even think about snacking but at work my stomach won’t let me avoid it. It doesn’t even accept healthy snacks, grapes really didn’t work.
Last month when I was away, I posted on my Instagram story for the first time ever. Someone who used to crush on me popped up with the word ‘chubby’. WHAT?! You don’t say that to a woman even if you’re trying to be cheeky!!! Okay so I’m chubby…but before I was a twig? Can’t I just be me?Do I have
to be a word that describes my weight? Does that have to be the first thing people comment on when they see me? It seems it’s impossible to get it right, but I just can’t understand why it’s something people feel the need to comment on. I find it uncomfortable to know that I used to google ways to gain weight and now I google ways to lose it.
I don’t have an up-to-date photo because I DON’T WANT TO! But when I figure my stuff out, hopefully I’ll have made some positive changes and can blog again about my changes! If I had it my way I’d be out walking 18,000 steps around Cardiff every day like I did when I was there last month. Hmm…maybe I should make a living out of dog walking. I do love dogs…
(This whole blog post really would have come across better in a vlog, but I’m too awkward to vlog).
Sometimes I will look in the mirror and think ‘wow who let a whale in here’ and other times i’ll just think ‘it could be worse, I could be a bigger whale’.I’m not really sure where this post was meant to be going, but whale’s are pretty cool anyway, so why not be one! #whalesunite #twigsunite
*please note the first photo in this blog does not belong to me and was found on pixabay.